So, I finally had a total break down this Saturday.
Well, let me preface by saying that Friday was quite a day (I shall write about that on another occassion soon) and DearHubby and I got into bed around midnightish. Needless to say, I was very tired and was hoping to get some rest. However, I was awoken by the scent of a dead skunk at 4am. I tried going back to sleep, but the scent was just too strong for me and after tossing and turning for about an hour, I finally just got up. I was too tired to do any chores and decided to just browse and visit my friends over the internet until I was ready to start my day.
Well, I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish on Saturday, but there were a few set backs that kept me from getting too far with anything. It was 6pm and I normally serve dinner at 6:30pm and the house was literally in utter chaos. It looked like a hurricane had blown through and I hadn't even started dinner yet. We had gotten some free NY strip steaks that needed to be cooked that night and I really wanted to grill them up right and needed time to research the best way to prepare them. As I attempted to get on the computer to research, both girls started crying and the phone rang. That was the beginning of my breakdown.
This overwhelming feeling just overcame me and it's like I lost control over my emotions. DearDaughter2 was crying really loud and clinging to my leg and I yelled at her to stop. I then ran out to the garage to find DearHubby and yelled at him to come and help me. As we returned inside I just completely lost it and started listing out all the things I needed to do and how I can't get anything accomplished because the girls just take up all of my time.
Blessedly, DearHubby and I had talked about these situations before hand. In the past, when I've felt overwhelmed and have started yelling, DearHubby would get defensive and retaliate and then we'd end up arguing the rest of the night. This time, DearHubby defused the situation by staying calm, not retaliating, and helped me out by taking the steaks and DearDaughter1 outside. He told me to take the time to take care of what I needed to do. Because DearHubby was wise to not take the situation personally and not retaliate, I was able to calm down and think about things. Why did I break down and how can I prevent it?
Well, I was obviously tired and I couldn't help that, but I had a break down because I could see my list of things to do just growing and it was already the end of the week and I felt like I accomplished nothing again. MyGirls just take up a lot of time to care for and without the help of anyone else, it's difficult finding time to do chores. Last week, I attempted doing chores while the girls were asleep and in a perfect world, there is a time when both should be asleep at the same time. However, that didn't hold true last week and so I only had about an hour or 2 hours a day max to do house chores. Normally that is a lot of time, but since I am so behind in many things, 2 hours wasn't much time at all! I also think that I've just had it with the constant crying of babies that my stress level was just maxed out. So, I was able to target the source of my break down.
After dinner, DearHubby and I had a talk about why I acted the way I did. First, I repented and sought his forgiveness. Then, I thanked him. And then, we got into finding a resolution to giving me help. DearHubby has not been around at all to help me watch the girls. He's been working on our house renovations non-stop and I've had to do everything else. I started out by saying, "Imagine me yelling at you non-stop for the whole day. You'd be able to block me out for a time, but after awhile, your patience would start to run thin and eventually you'd be frustrated with me. Well, that's how I feel with our girls. I am always dealing with a crying baby and I just can't block them out anymore and it's affecting my abilities to do chores. It's also hard getting chores done during the day and I just need help."
DearHubby would watch the girls every Tuesday evenings and watch them 1 Saturday a month. We also tried grocery shopping together and that took us half the time than what I usually take to do groceries, so DearHubby also agreed to do groceries together after church. I really didn't like that idea because I like to practice the Lord's day and rest in Him and also ultimately I would like to return to the evening service, but we couldn't think of any other time that was good for us. All this help from DearHubby should give me time to not be concerned about the girls and get chores done. I think this will help a lot.
Lesson: Don't feel like you have to carry the whole load by yourself. Especially if you have little ones, employ the help of your husband.