Thursday, October 11, 2007

Called to Be a Helper...

"For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man." (1 Corinthians 11:8-9, NIV)

Read Chapter 1 (Femininity) from Biblical Womanhood in the Home

DearHubby was too busy on Tuesday evening to help me out with the girls and so we agreed that he would watch them on Wednesday evening so that I could get some chores done...

He called me up on the way home from work last night and told me what he was thinking...

"I'm thinking about stopping by the tire place to get the tire replaced." (We got a flat on Friday and the tire arrived on Tuesday.)

With frustration and anger welling up inside and responding in a louder voice..."What are you talking about? You told me that you would help me out tonight. If you go to the tire place tonight, then I won't have any time to do chores as we had talked about and as I had planned! Anyway, I thought we were going to order a second new tire so that there would be equal wear!"

"Well, I didn't know we had agreed on buying the second tire and I thought that it would be best to at least get this one tire on now so that the car would be good to drive. If this spare goes out while we're driving, then there's no spare to use."

Silence from me...

"Are you still there..."

In an even more frustrated and angry voice..."Yeah, I'm just frustrated because what you have to do always seems like a bigger priority than what I have to do here at home and I'm trying to decide whether it's best for you to get the tire replaced or for you to come home."

"Well, what do you need me to do when I get home."

In a matter of fact tone..."Watch the girls while I clean the bathroom!"

"That's it! Can you clean the bathroom with DearDaughter1?"

Defensively..."No, I want to clean the bathroom in peace. I also have some bins and the cooler in the entry way for you to take out to the garage."

In a resignating tone..."I guess I could come home and order the second tire and take care of everything in one shot on Saturday...I'll come home and help you out."

In a "I won" attitude..."OK, I'll see you soon!"

DearHubby was very helpful with the girls. He took them out of my hair so that I could peacefully clean the bathroom. We even put the girls down for bed before dinner and had a good dinner conversation; DearHubby taught me about currency (money). I enjoyed MY evening, but when we got up this morning, it was pouring cats and dogs! We have 2 choices of vehicles that DearHubby had, the Mustang or the Escort. The Mustang doesn't do very good in wet weather because it's too powerful and the tires spin out easily and the Escort is the one with the spare on...DearHubby decided to take the Escort, the "better" of the two bad choices.

In the book, Biblical Womanhood in the Home, Carolyn Mahaney quotes this from Douglas Wilson:

The man needs the help; the woman needs to help. Marriage was created by God to provide a companionship in the labor of dominion. The cultural mandate, the requirement to fill and subdue the earth, is still in force, and a husband cannot fulfill this portion of the task in isolation. He needs a companion suitable for him in the work to which God has called him. He is called to the work and must receive help from her. She is called to the work through ministering to him. He is oriented to the task, and she is oriented to him.
Ms. Mahaney then goes on to say this:

Wives, we all have the same job description: We are our husbands' helpers. If you are wondering whether or not to pursue some particular endeavor, ask yourself this important question: Does this help my husband?...I have to confess that my orientation is often really toward myself rather than toward my husband...Wives, in light of the Lord's instruction to us, we have to ask ourselves the hard questions on a regular basis: Do I care for my home in a way that helps my husband or serves me? Do I manage my time in a manner that assists my husband or serves my own agenda? Does the way I serve others support my husband or promote me? Do I ask for my husband's input before committing myself to a plan? Am I oriented to him and the work to which God has called him? We honor the Lord when we minister to our husbands in ways that enhance our God-given roles as companions and helpers.

When I employed DearHubby's help I commented about how ironic it is that Eve, the woman, was made to help Adam, the man and yet our roles were reversed because I am asking him to help me instead of me asking DearHubby how I can help him.

And guess what? I read this first chapter from Biblical Womanhood in the Home right before DearHubby called me yesterday and even though I was prompted in this way to think about being a helper to my husband, I still pridefully insisted on having things done my way. This morning as the rain poured down hard, my conscience was stirred. Though I enjoyed the help that DearHubby gave me last night, was it really the best decision for him to come home and help me or should I have listened to this prompting and have asked, "Does this help my husband?" On a last note...When DearHubby got up, he looked at the clock and saw that he was running late. He commented and sighed about still having to make lunch. Already convicted by the question "Does this help my husband?" I grudgingly got up and said, "I'll get up and help you and make your lunch!" I think I was also being prompted to ask "Does this help my husband?" and joyfully mean it?

I don't think it's wrong that I employed the help of my husband. It would still be difficult to do chores around here if I didn't. I think the lesson that I'm learning is that, yes, I can employ help from my husband, but even in asking for help, I still need to remember that I am HIS helper and how does his help help him?

1 comment:

Bren said...

That is all pretty makes me pause and think about how my sweet hubby is working 12 hour shifts 5 days in a row and 10 on the 6th day. It is not his ordinary schedule but for this week he is forced to do it. What can I do to help him? Hmmmm..I will think of something.

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