A couple weeks ago I listened to a wonderful discussion by Carolyn Mahaney called Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God: What Every Christian Wife Needs to Know. I think every tired and busy man or woman struggle with fulfilling the needs of their spouse and this particular discussion along with Martha Peace's chapter entitled "Intimacy: The Wife's Response" in her book The Excellent Wife helped bring a Biblical perspective to my own intimate relationship with DearHubby.
Below are Carolyn Mahaney's major points and the Scriptural references she gave with them:
If you do not know, most beautiful of women...
How beautiful you are, my darling!
(Song of Solomon 1:8, 15)
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands,...
(1 Peter 3:3-5)
"We can actually make ourselves beautiful by cultivating a gentle and quiet spirit. We can actually make ourselves attractive by growing in submission to our husbands. Now that's a goal we can all pursue regardless of our age. And the neat thing is the more we cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit, the more we grow in submission to our husbands, the more attractive we will become..."
BE AVAILABLE: (Giving of oneself)
My lover is mind and I am his...
(Song of Solomon 2:16)
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devot yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
(1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
"...husbands and wives are to fulfill God's command to respond to each other's physical desires. In regard to the physical union with her husband, a wife does not have 'authority over her own body', but her husband does. In the same way, the husband does not have 'authority over his own body', but his wife does. 'Not having authority over their own bodies' means that neither one have the option to refuse the other unless he or she is providentially hindered or the couple had agreed to temporarily refrain from sex because of devoting themselves to prayer.
Because responding to her husband physically is a command from God, when the wife obeys she is showing love to God as well as love to her husband by not defrauding him. What if her husband desires sex at a time that is inconvenient for her? If possible, the wife should arrange her schedule for them to have a time together so that he knows that fulfilling his desires is important to her. Sometimes, it may be possible to rearrange her schedule by putting off cleaning the house or by telling her friend she will call her back later.
...One of the best ways for a wife to get in 'the mood' and enjoy having sex with her husband is for her to concentrate on pleasing him." - Martha Peace
BE ANTICIPATORY: (An intensive desireing & longing for another)
A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.
...for I am faint with love.
(Song of Solomon 2:5)
My lover is radiant and ruddy,
outstanding among ten thousand.
His head is purest gold;
his hair is wavy
and black as a raven.
His eyes are like doves
by the water streams,
washed in milk,
mounted like jewels.
His cheeks are like beds of spice
His lips are like lilies
dripping with myrrh.
His arms are rods of gold
set with chrysolite.
His body is like polished ivory
decorated with sapphires.
His legs are pillars of marble
set on bases of pure gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
choice as its cedars.
His mouth is sweetness itself;
he is altogether lovely.
(Song of Solomon 5:10-16)
"God wants us to thoroughly enjoy the gift of sex within marriage...It should be exhilirating!!!"
BE AGGRESSIVE: (Praise & Pursuit)
The book of Song of Solomon