April 20, 2007

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Verse of the Day:
“That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.” (Romans 10:9-10)

Wow! What a contrast today's weather was in comparison to all the other days of this week. The sky was clear and blue and the temperature was, if I took a guess, some where in the 70's (I didn't check the weather to see what the official temp was). I don't know how people don't believe in a God when they experience these acts of nature.

So, it was a pretty good day. DearHubby actually went to work because he felt better, so I had the house back to myself. Well, since I worked hard all week, I decided I was going to have an easy day. I did my daily chores and afterwards I decided to go to the mall for lunch. One of the malls we have is a drive towards the beach and it's about 30 minutes away. I always like going to this one as the drive there is so peaceful and there usually isn't a crowd at the mall. I went to my favorite "restaurant", a Japanese one, and ordered a Chicken Teriyaki bowl (just chicken and rice). DearDaughter and I enjoyed our meal and then I headed to the ice cream store and got us a Mint Chocolate Chip waffle cone.

I browsed a little, but there were no sales going on so when we were done with the ice cream cone, we headed over to Michael's. There, I purchased one more basket for my laundry room organizational project, a small wooden easel to display DearDaughter's handprints from her 6th month birthday, and a vintage style picture frame for a DearFriend's birthday.

We headed home from there and DearDaughter fell asleep in the car. So, as DearDaughter napped, I started my birthday project for my DearFriend. I got part way through when DearDaughter awoke and we then headed off to the Post Office.

When we got home, DearDaughter and I played outside for awhile and then back inside to make dinner. Here's where the day turned sour. As I worked on dinner I was also trying to finish this birthday project, not giving any attention to DearDaughter. She started fussing and tugging on me. I was handling her whining ok until DearHubby came in the room. He came home early because he was still tired from his sickness and I let him rest for the afternoon, but I assumed he came into the living room area to help me with DearDaughter's fussiness. So as I tried to work on 2 things at a time, DearDaughter kept fussing and tugging at me, while DearHubby just sat on the couch calling out her name. This went on for about 10 minutes. I finally just lost my patience. First, I made a mistake on the project that I was working on and with DearDaughter fussing in my face, I couldn't think about how to fix the project. I should have put the project away at that time to figure out later, but by this time my patience had run out. I loudly immitated DearDaughter's crying and walked out of the room. When I calmed down a bit, I walked back into the living room and yelled at DearHubby. I was most frustrated because since I assumed that he was there to help me I expected him to help me. So I informed him that he wasn't being of any help at all by just sitting on the couch and calling out DearDaughter's name. If anything, he could have gotten up, taken her away from me and distracted her by playing with her. Well, I just made DearHubby angry and he walked out of the room.

I was angry all throughout dinner and I told DearHubby that in the future if he wants to help, then truly take action to help, but if not, then don't even bother at all.

After putting DearDaughter down, DearHubby and I just went about our business. Neither one of us apologized to one another and we sort of forgot about the whole situation.

I tried to ask myself how I should have changed my heart attitude, but I was just tired of that. It was just way easier for me to get angry and then forget about the situation later. It's so hard being a Christian, a follower of Christ.

For my daily bible reading, I read through some passages in Leviticus. What really caught my attention were all the laws the Israelites had to follow and they had to obey every single one of them. At the end of the reading though, God still revealed his mercy by saying that he will forgive those who are repentant. However, as I read all of those laws, I began to feel such a heavy weight and burden on my shoulders because I sin against God all the time (ie tonight). I would be the lowliest of the lowliest as my anger gets me often and it actually seems like always. I do thank God for Christ and the work that was done on the cross for my sins and I thank God for his faithful and continuing grace to make me more like Jesus. I am just so tired of struggling with my anger and impatience. I have another Little One coming soon. Will it just get worse?