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Monday, February 23, 2009

Faith...Suffering the Consequences to My Pride and Impatience

"Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word...It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes." (Psalm 119:67, 71 ESV)

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:28-31 ESV)

Today is going to be a challenging day, but I pray that the Lord will give me the power to persevere in His strength and wisdom to do His will and not mine.

Last Thursday I pulled my back and by the end of the day I was not able to move. However, by the grace of God and with the knowledge of back care, I was able to "mend" my back back to 85% normal by Friday. DearHubby and I even went to the gym and I physically felt good after the work out.

As a result of this quick recovery, my ego swelled, thinking my body is indestructible.

This swelled ego, combined with impatience caused me to lift something I should not have lifted on Saturday and my back went out on me AGAIN, even worse than it did on Thursday. By Saturday evening I was again not able to move, and even with the same care I gave it on Thursday, my back got worse than better.

What a humbling experience as I could do nothing for myself by Sunday morning. My wonderful and sweet DearHubby had to do everything for me. He had to help me get out of bed, he had to help me walk, he had to help me sit, etc...The most humbling or should I say humiliating experience was when I went to use the potty and could not even clean myself up. DearHubby was so patient and kind enough to do that for me. I cried the whole time.

At the end of the day, I wondered if this was God's way of punishing me for being so prideful and impatient. It wasn't. When I think of the term "punishment" I think of a negative penalty as a consequence of an offense. I might have sinned against God by my pride and impatience, but God is a loving God towards His children and His main purpose for His children is to make us like His Son, Jesus Christ. When I think of punishment, I see no good in the end. I only see an offender suffering, but not turning.

God allowed me to suffer the consequences of my pride and impatience as a form of discipline to remind me of my pride and impatience and to turn from it. As a result of my suffering, I was humbled. I had no choice but to call for help and even in calling for that help, I still needed to wait on the one who was helping me.

What a lesson for me to learn as I was so stressed out last week. I don't know if it's that nesting instinct that just kicked in, but everything just seemed very overwhelming. I was feeling the pressure of our Little One's arrival and how soon that day is coming. I was seeing all the work around the house that "needed" to be done before her arrival. I was seeing the lack of time in the day to get all these things done. I got overwhelmed and stressed and mostly took it out on my children because by my anger I was feeling in control.

God needed to put a stop to my sins and needed to remind me of what pleases Him the most, to keep His word and obey, and to wait on Him to help me keep His word.

So, today is going to be a challenging day because my DearHubby is at work. There is literally no one here to physically help me and the only ONE I can truly depend on today is the Lord. I do pray that the Lord will give me the power to persevere in His strength and wisdom to do His will and not mine.

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I shared the hymn "It Is Well With My Soul" in my previous post because this verse touched my heart:

My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought
My sin not in part but the whole
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, oh my soul

I knew I wasn't being punished when I was reminded that ALL, not part of, my sins was nailed to the cross.

2 comments:

Trish D said...

First off, I'll be praying that your recovery will be swift (meaning that you can learn whatever the Lord has for you quickly :)

He is our Loving Father, and while I don't feel He punishes us, He certainly does let us feel the consequences of our actions (well, most of the time! I'm so thankful that He's full of mercy AND grace!) I've just started a class at church that our pastor teaches - hubby and I had gone through it together several years ago, and I felt I needed to be reminded of it. We did a quick overview on spiritual maturity this week, and the main point was that we can't be disciples without being disciplined. Talk about a double-edged sword! The main focus there is that we need self-discipline to stay in the word, pray, etc. but on the other hand we need HIS discipline as well. As it says in Hebrews 12, if we aren't being disciplined, then we're bastards, not His true children (my paraphrase). What a comfort to remember that He is shaping me because He truly loves me - and I understand that much better as I am now a parent.

Oh, and the final thought from Sunday? The more disciplined I become, the more God can use me. And isn't that what it's all about?!? I must decrease so that He may increase...

crystal said...

Just catching up on your blog. I hope that you recover well and fully in Gods time. He may know that you need a break. He does that to me a lot....lol. Second, I will be praying about your new OB and that the rest of your pregnancy goes well. and third, I am on facebook now also..I sent you a friend request..

Blessings and prayers to you and your family
Crystal