I've been feeling really anxious...I got a UTI and then caught a cold last week and didn't get much done around the house. I'm feeling much better, but both illnesses are still lingering. Therefore, I haven't had much motivation to get much accomplished, only the bare minimum to keep our house running. Many days of chores and errand running lost...
In addition, I babysat all day at a DearFriend's house on Tuesday and then went for family pictures in the evening. Another day of chores and errand running lost...
I am a co-coordinator of a ministry called Sister Encouraging Sister at church and every year we have a Christmas party for the ladies in the church. I have a planning meeting today. Another day of chores and errand running lost...
I have a small luncheon planned at my house on Friday for 3 local friends. One just cancelled because she's sick. I am so up in the air about whether to go on with the luncheon or to postpone and reschedule it...There is a time for every season...Does that mean friendships also? These friends are older friends with older kids. Though I am the youngest of the group, these women enjoyed my company as I enjoyed theirs because we all challenged one another in the Lord. I met them before I had children and I was very flexible to meet with them any time and I moved my schedule around to fit theirs. When we first met, we all enjoyed each other's company very much and we got together every week. Times got busy and our gathering time went down to every other week. Times got even busier and we met every month...Now we hardly meet at all. I am usually the one who has taken the initiative to bring the "group" together and so for the last 2 or 3 years now I've been the person coordinating our gatherings. It's not easy coordinating every one's schedule to work out and it takes a lot of time. In addition, since I'm the one coordinating the gathering, it's usually at my house and I need to prepare for it and cook for it. That takes planning and TIME too. So, I thought that once I had DearDaughter2 someone else with more time would take the initiative and try to coordinate a gathering, but that hasn't happened. So maybe this "group" means more to me than to the other ladies? I am not one to easily let go of friendships and I would do anything to hold on to a friendship. However, even in the Christian community, I've heard the word "season of life" used a lot. I know the reference comes from Ecclesiastes, but do friendships count too? I feel like if I don't take the initiative to coordinate these gatherings, then we'll never get together. Though we are local friends, we all have busy lives and don't contact each other often. I feel like if I don't take the initiative to bring us together, then our friendships would quickly fade. It makes me wonder also if we're truly friends anymore if we're only with one another once or twice a year. Have we helped one another carry each other's burdens? Have we shared each other's joys? Is there a season even for friendships and is this the end of the season with these ladies?
These thoughts are running through my head because I have lost many days for chores and errand running due to my illness and other obligations. We normally travel to California or Illinois, to our parents' for the holidays, but this year we're not. This will be the first year my family will have the opportunity to do Christmas here at home and I was hoping to make it special. Since we normally travel, I usually am not concerned about decorating my home. However, this year, I wanted to warm up our home a little and break out some decorations, especially our nativity set, but I haven't had the opportunity to take a walk 300 feet from our home yet to our storage building. It's dark back there and has to be done during the day during the girls' naps. Just getting the decorations alone will probably be a 30 minute to 45 minute ordeal...It will probably take me a whole day to figure out how I would like to decorate my home...A time span that I haven't had yet. Then, since we've never had Christmas at home, DearHubby and I have never really made it a big ordeal to get each other gifts for Christmas. In fact, as we've been married for 8 years we've always talked about not making Christmas about the gifts, but about our Lord Jesus Christ...and not that I want to deviate from our desire to do that, but our little girls are just that, little, and I would like to see the joy in their faces when they receive a special gift. All that said, I have not really put all that much thought to what gift to give to my DearHubby and DearGirls nor have I started shopping (either for materials if it's a handmade gift or for items). That all takes time too.
So, I am a little anxious because I am looking at the calendar and I have only 19 days left before Christmas. I've never done Christmas in my own home before and I haven't even started planning, not even for our dinner :( I haven't even started my Christmas cards, usually 100 of them, and I usually do a family update with enclosed pictures for each. I look at the obligations and time I have and I don't have much. Cancelling tomorrow's lunch would be a huge burden off of my shoulders as it would probably give me at least 2 days back if not 3 (it usually takes me the day after to recuperate from a gathering). It was easier to do these things when I didn't have children and I could do everything, but now that I have 2 little ones the reality is they do take up that much time and I can't do everything. I've never had to prioritize my time and choose one activity over another because I used to be able to do it all, but I've come to the realization that maybe I have to let go of doing some things. My problem is I'm not sure what to let go of and if I have a reason to. Do I cancel tomorrow's lunch and trust God that there will be a time that all of us will gather again one day soon? Do I go on and have tomorrow's lunch and trust God that I will have time to make this first Christmas at home special?
If I took these concerns to my husband I know he'll tell me to pray over it. That's what I'll do, but if there's anyone willing to share any wisdom, I would gladly hear it too.
2 comments:
I'll add my 2 cents - it does seem that it would be best to cancel the luncheon. There is just so much on your shoulders already, and postponing this one event seems that it would really ease the burden. I would suggest you reschedule after the holidays, and then take the opportunity to share your heart with these women. Do they treasure these times, or just merely see them as a pleasant gathering? Perhaps you could each take responsibility to schedule 1 meeting/season so you can still maintain contact without the responsility solely on you.
Or perhaps yet another idea - could you have these ladies over as planned but have them help you decorate for Christmas? Don't know whether that would be helpful or an even bigger headache.
And yes, I do think that there are "seasons" of friendship. I think the Lord brings people into our lives as certain times as needed. Sometimes these people become lifelong friends - constant prayer partners, encouragers, and dear confidantes. Other times it's simply to help us "get through" a partiular stage in life and then we may part ways. Still a precious friend, but for whatever reason the relationship never deepens. It's hard to let go sometimes; I know I don't personally have many DEEP friends, but those I do have are truly treasured.
I'll be praying for you - that your body will continue to heal and that your energy level will improve and also that you'll have wisdom as to pursuing these relationships.
I hope you feel better soon!
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