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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Waiting on the Lord

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. (Psalm 27:14)

I went to my 39th week OB appointment today and got my membrane stripped. Basically, the OB "placed her gloved finger through the cervix and swept the amniotic membranes free of their attachment to the lower part of the uterine cavity." This is a natural form of induction.

I inquired about the liklihood of going into labor. Dr. Nevins said that the stripping of the membrane works with the body. If the body is ready then this just helps jump start the contractions. If not, I could possibly go another week without anything happening.

As the procedure was being done, the comment that the doctor made was that my cervix is good. I'm not sure if she meant that it is ripe? However, she stretched me out to 4cm dilation and I was already 80% effaced.

Dr. Nevins reminded me that I cannot be medically induced and that because I am a short person, meaning I have a compressed pelvis already, I am still at risk for having another C-section. I guess it's more difficult for a big baby to go through a compressed pelvis? Anyway, at last week's ultrasound, the baby already measured 7pounds 11ounces. Since babies gain about an ounce a day, at the end of the pregnancy, our Little One will probably be, if she's not already, over 8pounds. Therefore, Dr. Nevins reminded me that if the baby is not with us within the week, I would need a C-section and she went ahead and scheduled my C-section for next Thursday, July 26th.

As soon as the doctor mentioned scheduling a C-section, I became disheartened and never felt more at the mercy of God until that time. Whatever way possible, except for eating spicy foods, I have tried everything suggested that seemed safe for me and the baby to naturally induce labor contractions. At the mere knowledge of a scheduled C-section for next week, I, myself, feel defeated. Not that I had any sort of control over the timing of our Little One's arrival, but I now literally have NO control over when and how our Little One will be born and I must now truly and completely wait on the Lord. There is nothing more my husband and I can do, but wait. It is true that I have one sure date, July 26th, and yet that is not my desire...

What is God teaching me? Definitely, this is a true stripping of myself and a lesson of complete dependance on God's sovereignty. He is the perfect creator and master of all things and this is a lesson of trusting in His good and perfect plan and timing and resting in it!

I am to wait, so how should I wait?
- With persevering faith and hope...I must have faith and trust that God is sufficient in power and wisdom to know what is best for me, the baby, my family, and His glory. Having faith and trust in God's sufficient power and wisdom gives me hope that whatever happens in the end IS according to God's will and it will be good!
- With patience and contentment...I must not fret or murmur against God nor continue to ask Him why He is doing this...Instead, I must continue to do what is right and not get angry, especially towards others...I must not complain about my situation nor fall into the tempation of self-pity. If all I am able to do is just rest, I must rest, even take advantage of the time to seek Him more in His Word, and I must humble myself to seek the help of my husband or others, rather than to be prideful or stubborn and continue on with the chores that may make me too tired for labor...
- In prayer... Oh Lord, forgive me as I have sinned against you during this time of waiting. I grew angry at you and the waiting situation you put me in. I've felt discontent. Help me Lord. Give me a strong and courageous heart to wait on you. Lord, help me to trust in your will and help me to rest in knowing that whatever the outcome, whether it is a successful VBAC or a C-section, it is ordained by you because you know what is good. Lord, I do lift up my desire for a successful VBAC. There are so many reasons for this desire, but the primary reason is for less time in recovery so that I may resume my duties as Mommy and Wife in our home. These are tough times we are in...DearHubby has so many other responsibilities and issues on his mind and on his plate that I would like be a help to him rather than another burden. A C-section, especially in recovery, may mean that I would be of minimal help to DearHubby and that he would need to pick up my responsibilities. I know Lord that you can provide the strength and all that we need through this time and that is why I am lifting these desires and burdens up to you, hoping that you will help me trust that you will hear my cries and answer according to your good will, mercy, and grace. Thank you Lord for your son Jesus Christ who died on the cross and was raised up again and who now sits at your right hand intercessing for us. It is only through Jesus Christ that I can come to you with my pleas. Lord, hear my prayer. - In Pursuit of Your Call -

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